Caution. I will swear.

First the general WTF, then my rant.

It’s June 12-13th, 2012.  In case you were wondering. 

We had quite the rain/hail/thunder/lightning storm.  Raged on and off most of the night.  Now I’m incredibly glad I’m so slow/procrastinating in the garden.  My tender plants like tomatoes and basil weren’t pummeled by so much rain and hail, score one for procrastination!

On to my rant.  I don’t expect responses.  This has been festering for a while now and I just need to get it out so I can move on.
I get that people are entitled to their opinions.  Heaven knows I have plenty of them.  But.  I strive to not make someone feel like total shit about whatever theirs is.  Within reason, you know?  Want to dye your hair purple or sent your kids off to an uber-Christian school that costs more than a house?  Whatever makes your bloomers fly up.  Want to go $100K in debt with student loans for an opera degree?  Fine, just don’t ask me to pay the bill.  I don’t have to *like* Arayan-minded folks, and I likely won’t hang out with them by choice, and I don’t agree with their beliefs, but that doesn’t mean I’m all out to get them or  somehow win them back over to the ‘good side.’

Right now there’s one thing that’s been pissing me off for years.  Anti-abortionists.  I get it.  Really, I do.  Life is precious and blah blah blah.  Groovy.  Picketing outside of Planned Parenthood and harassing 15yo girls who are going in for birth control (so they don’t get pregnant before they can handle it!) or so a rape victim without insurance can get tested for STD’s?  I’m not on board with bullying folks like that or bullying anybody really, but hey, I’m not real fond of the red light runners either, and they still do their stupid thing.

So, pro-lifers. 
Say your agenda (because let’s face it, it is *your* agenda) wins someone over and they keep their baby, even though in their gut they know they can’t really handle it. 
You think your fight is over and you won, right? 
Well guess what? 
That person who kept the baby is likely still struggling.  Round the clock feeding, daycare costs, the $5K-$100K hospital bill that needs to be paid, and feeling defeated and beaten down kind of suck. 
Where are you at 11pm, midnight, 2am, 4am, 5am, and 6am?  I’d be more than willing to give you a call at those hours for a week straight and throw poop at the front door to clean up so you know how much fun a poopsplosion is at 3am.
Where are you when more diapers are needed but there aren’t any more disposables in the house or they haven’t been washed yet because there’s no sleep to recharge? 
Where are you when the child you so valiantly fought for is being bullied in preschool or elementary school and the parent(s) are still trying to find their bearings and be responsible and balance their budget? 

Oh yeah, your fight’s over.  Just in time for the other person’s to start, and guess what, it’s a lifetime thing. 

I desperately needed help after my fourth child was born.  Desperately.  I was in a pit of post-partum depression, and it wasn’t a baby blues kind.  I was trying to find out if my health insurance covered stays in mental health institutions.  It wasn’t pretty.  At all.
And folks talked the talk and said they’d help and blah blah blah.

But where were they when I was running on 12 hours of sleep for the entire week and all the kids still needed to be fed and my kitchen was a disaster? 
Where were they when I needed help with canning in order to feed my “large” family of six?
Where were they when I needed a shower and it had been 4-5 days?
Where were they that weekend with the vomit bug and all the sheets/bedspreads/bedding needed to be washed twice?  Oh yeah, with a family of six, you have several beds btw.  FYI, bedspreads/comforters do not dry quickly.
Where are they when you desperately need to get something done, like, say, reorganize the basement (see below) because clutter and crap like that is slowly destroying what little shreds of mental health you still have let?
By the time I finally swallowed my pride enough to ask, several times, I was given various excuses.  “I have plans that day,” and “I’m sorry, I just got my toddler to sleep” and “sorry, I still haven’t had lunch” and “sorry, I just can’t.”  Was even abruptly de-friended by someone (yeah, my bad, apparently my judgement of her being a good friend was incredibly wrong).
After being rejected several times by more than a few people, I just gave up.  If you don’t think your entire house going to shit doesn’t affect you, come live in my house for a week and try to function.  I can’t find the Pyrex oven dishes I needed for a potluck today.  I have to dig through boxes for 20 minutes to find a certain thing for a kid or project.  I have to stop in the middle of canning to go out to the storage unit because whoops, I took all the empty pint jars out there and forgot I didn’t have anymore in the basement because it’s so hellish.  (Btw, if you can organize a basement like this with some breakables/canning jars in a few hours with four kids up your butt while tripping you and standing in front/behind/on top of you and asking question after question or just shrieking or having verbal diarrhea, give me a call, we’ll work out a deal.)

Seems to me those pro-life and ‘helpful’ folks didn’t want to walk the walk. 
Raising kids is hard shit.  Anyone who tells you otherwise either doesn’t have kids, or is lying.  It’s easy to be all rainbows and unicorns and say everything’s lovely and kids are a blessing and they can do no wrong and so on.  But what about when it isn’t?  When years of sleep deprivation deprive you of your health and the kids’ growing hormones and personality clashes start flying every which way?  Do you just wash your hands of the situation, or do you jump in to help someone out and get your hands muddy?  Don’t be someone who just talks about change.  Walk the walk.  Be the change.  Show people you care and support them and that you’re more than an agenda.

6 thoughts on “Caution. I will swear.

  1. Major hugs hon!  I’ve followed your blog for a while and wondered how you did it all.  I wish we lived closer to lend a hand…and I would.  Because I have a strong feeling you are the one who is always on the other end of the phone or coffee cup when a friend needs to talk…..and now your calls are unanswered.   I was never as organized as you are….and you are organized in your own way.  I used to say I knew which layer “it” was under  & God help who ever moved it.  Oh, nothing is coming out right, & I don’t want to write it here.  It won’t let me contact you via e mail so pop over to my blog and shoot me an email when you have time to breathe.  ((Hugs))

  2. Amen sister!!!  If I didn’t have an abortion when I was 19 I would have surely messed that kid up.  Depression is hell and I’ve had it most of my life.  I can’t imagine having it with 4 kids when you don’t have help.  Someday I really hope our society goes back to living in communities where its a village raising a child not just one mom.  We do not have enough support. Period.  We should be all sharing this load.  Sounds like you have needed to get that off your chest for awhile. I hope it made you feel better.  🙂  I hope in the next 5-10 years we can visit again in person.

  3. @katidids – I’m doing okay-ish now though.  Right now I just desperately need to get rid of all the kids for a week straight or something so I can tackle the house and at least get it sorted/organized/put away.  I know I’m always going to have handprints on my windows (I’m sure it helps that I never wash them – it diffuses the light!  well, and I’m lazy) and cobwebs on my ceiling and perpetual crumbs in the carpet, I’m okay with all that.  I’m *not* okay with the constant loosing-my-mind feeling from not being able to track down something that I “knew” was right there or whatever.@FarmerCathy – Amen.  It’s taken me years to find a very few good friends, let alone a village.  It’s freakin’ hard out there.  Most of this pent up crap is from the first year of the baby’s life, and there’s one particular person on FB that kept posting anti-abortion stuff (I haven’t deleted them yet, but they have been hidden/restricted) and it just kept pissing me off.  Not quite ready yet to confront them, but maybe one of these days…

  4. You know what’s funny?  I also have a friend on fb that posts anti-abortion stuff, but had an abortion.  It’s really strange how much she is against it, but made that decision.  Do you have a homeschool community or co-op or a meet-up group or even a church with a mother’s morning out where you can leave the kids for a couple hours?  Maybe its something you can suggest and then each mom takes a morning to help watch and distract them while every month or two.  I’m sure your not the only one out there that needs the help.  :)I was hoping Dave would get the job in Idaho.  He actually just got the notice in the mail that he didn’t get picked for the interview.  It would be nice to have a like minded mama nearby. Hugs mama.

  5. THANK YOU!  my facebook feed is full of that shit and it makes me want to scream.  ugh.  if they love Jesus so much, why the hell are they calling mothers murders and treating people like crap?  I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t tell us to judge people or treat them like crap.  ugh.    

  6. @FarmerCathy – Problem is my age range of kids.  MOP’s groups are only for the 5 and under set.  My 8yo and 6yo aren’t in public school, nor am I going to pay for a babysitter for something like that.  If I pay for a babysitter, I’m pawning *all* the kids off, not just a few.  Plus I need like 4-8 hour blocks of time to get anything done.  I can’t do more than fold a little laundry or hit the grocery store with a normal 3-hour preschool-type day, if that makes sense.As for the kid swap…  all my friends have less kids than I.  So it’s not exactly a fair trade to watch their 1-2 kids and then expect them to handle my 4 at their non-toddler-proofed house, you know?  One of those goofy ‘large family’ problems.I actually *did* recently learn of another homeschool co-op that sounds so much nicer than the nutso one I got rejected from! I need to get more info other than “show up on this day with the kids and money” (I need more details than that, I want to be somewhat prepped and not a drag) and make sure they’re okay with me, but it definitely sounds promising.You’ll find your niche over there, I know it.  Just make sure to get out and about asap, and not wait the 4 years like I did to *really* start searching out friends (for me *and* the kids!).  Now I’ve apparently got that attitude of if-you-like-me-you-do-if-you-don’t-you-don’t and just bust in on all kinds of playdates and such, to where some folks initially think I’m friendly and extroverted until they get to know me.  It’s amusing.@AdventuresOfMamaDuck – Right?  It’s nuts.  If I remember correctly, Jesus would’ve given those ‘poor, aimless souls’ more of his attention than the folks just talking to hear their voice on the matter.

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