Every year

I seem to talk about this calendar it seems.  And really, it totally deserves it.

Look at the giant-square awesomeness.  Ahhh. 
Especially for those of us that don’t have teeny-tiny engineer handwriting.

I just wish I could get my oh-so-lovely-with-giant-squares calendar to add on the menu planning dealie that’s on the bottom of this one.  Then it would be totally perfect for me.  Shall try emailing them and seeing what they can do in the future….

Today I got some free books for the kids.

Borders has a Double Dog Dare book challenge this year for kids under 12yo.
Um, my kids have definitely read more than a dozen books this summer.  Quite a bit more.

And here they are “playing.”  No formal or rigid structured [math] lessons yet though.  When you give them casserole dishes of navy beans (I had them in the pantry, they’re subbing for lentils for a while – it happens), you have to let them touch and play to get it out of their system.

And on a pretty note…  Taken while driving to the next town over to have dinner with hubby at a fancy restaurant.

You know, lately I’ve been struggling with spirituality/religion.  I can’t make myself join a church just to make friends, when I’d rather not sit through boring services/lectures that really don’t do much for me.  That kind of thing is just too fake feeling for me – joining to worship is one thing, solely joining for finding friends seems off, but again, that’s just me.  Plus Sundays are one of our few family days.  We like spending time together as a family, and really, we don’t have a lot of family time nowadays anyway, at least time that includes hubby.  Sometimes I envy people that just are all-out believers and have zero doubts and this that and the other.  But really, I like my place in life despite the insane challenges as of late.

Anyway.  I know there’s something/someone out there.  Is it God or Buddha or Zeus?  I couldn’t tell you, but my gut feeling is that it’s probably the same being just interpreted differently.  I’ve had at least two experiences where I’ve actually had some sort of run-in with God… 

One was at church camp when I was 15 or 16yo.  It was a quiet prayer time where we all went off to alone spots in the camp, and I was sitting on this one giant boulder out behind some cabins.  Was praying about something, and all of a sudden, this giant weight was literally lifted from my shoulders (think how much lighter you feel after a good haircut – multiply that, but on the shoulders).  I cannot truly explain it, but honest to goodness, I felt it and it was real.  Very trippy at the time I have to say.

The other one was quite recent – a year and a half ago.  I was driving down the highway on my way to somewhere.  All of a sudden, something popped in my head.  Like someone wanted to know what to do with my dad – like a heaven/hell kind of thing.  My response thought was like “don’t knock yourself out or bend over backwards for him, but be sorta/a little nice to him.”  He wasn’t that particularly nice to me throughout the years, but eh, I’m not super evil (usually).  Not a few minutes later, hubby calls me on my cell phone.  With the news that my dad had just died.  Coincidence?  I kinda doubt that.

And after my issues as of late, I see that sunset while going to meet up with hubby.  Think I needed that reminder.  πŸ™‚

4 thoughts on “Every year

  1. I can tell you my experience with Religion ect… I am a Chritian and try to practice what I preach,I  am only sharing my feelings .:) I have not been to church in 1 year ..But was raised that you had to go to church in order to be a proper Christian ..and that is wrong! I believe Jesus died on the Cross to forgive me /us of our sins …I  am a sinner and I will never be perfcet .But God/Jesus Is my best friend …Now saying that ,I know the road I have traveled is hard and I question why It is that way ..But I will never get the answers I search for until one day I meet God face to face…But I do feel God allows trials to come my way ..To  teach me… To be able to help others with the same struggles ….I was as close to death I feel one could get ..and it woke me up .I realized that there is more to life than here on earth…The churches are filled with hyprocrites …And I do not believe in Religon..I have a personal relationship with Christ ..I grew up different than what I believe ,I was whipped ,chastized and lived a very hard life all in the name of Christ ..To go to Church on Sunday all proper and beat your Kid on Monday is wrong..I do want to go to church ,But that does not save a person ..Without God I would have not made it ..To think all we have is this Earth ,would depress me …I know Heaven awaits not to the perfect person But to the person that ask Jesus in their heart ,and asks him to fogive them of their sins ..I Have such a peace ….Un believers look at me and ask why are you smiling when your wold is crumbling ..I explain to them .That I cast all my Burdens to God ..Yes troubles are here .and no right answer will remove all our troubles but I will continue to cling to the Lord even when the world I live in calls me stupid to do so πŸ™‚

  2. Religion is so different than faith.  Faith is what holds me upright. Good/bad things all happen for a reason.  Lifes a chain  reaction and OUR reaction to them is what sets the next in motion.  I cant tell you haw many times our faith has gotten us thru a situation and we wonder why…only later to have another come to us and say ” you know “this or that happended and we prayed hard and remembered how you delt with it and it helped us”  I know I don’t express my self well in writing but, when you do find a church you feel is family, ignor the hyprocrites, every faith has them because we’re human and make mistakes.  Those are the people that teach me how NOT to be!I know your time with hubby is limited & I’m so glad you were able to have a supper out together.  It’s what held my sanity together in the seperations

  3. I know what you mean about the faith/community/friends thing. I would perhaps feel weird going just to find friends too. That said I haven’t been to a church in a long time. We “home churched” for a while… which has lead us to a good place. and when I say we home churched i don’t just mean we stayed home instead I mean we prayed and studied together for the intent purpose of trying to get to know God. It was a very good thing for us!I have a spiritual blog, if you wanna visit I’ll give you the address, I haven’t shared it publicly b/c it’s kinda private. I’m only sharing with a handful of people.I haven’t shared anything about my religious beliefs or spirituality on my xanga for a reason… that said, faith in God and community are different things. you can find a community that share your faith, or a faith that has community. but you can’t really find community in a faith you don’t share. Perhaps finding a community center would work for you. You can work on your relationship with the Divine any time you want and you don’t need a church or synagogue or temple to pray – just… pray. all humans have the ability to contact God on their own.and totally unrelated- is the wood flooring in the dining area new? it’s really nice! I am a tad jealous πŸ˜‰  I love wood floors… even the fake ones are nicer than linoleum!

  4. @homesteadingtess – @katidids – @HennyPenne – Oh, I forgot to add, part of the existential crisis so to speak is that I’m trying to figure out exactly how and what I want to impart on the kids faith-wise and all that.  The drawbacks of being responsible for your own and not having others do a big chunk of it (church, school, whatever), you know?Henny, yup, new as of November.  Columbia flooring.  If I’d known we were going to be here much longer, I would’ve just done that everywhere instead of just the kitchen/dining (from the shag/linoleum combo of before).  Cleans up nice, on the rare occasion I sweep/vacuum and send the kids out with damp sponges…  Totally give me the address – you’re one of my lovely inspirations because you don’t try to beat people over the head with your Bible.  πŸ™‚

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